Leaving Day

Yesterday was the day that we went up to the SLC airport to take Ben to leave for 4 months. We had both been really strong and been holding up really well, except for last Saturday when we celebrated my birthday early and Ben asked me to dance. I bawled my eyes out. We danced to Miley Cirus' new song "When I Look at You." We had a theme to this party surprise. Ben printed some pictures of our family and he wanted something for both of us to be able to look at while we were apart. Ya...I was a mess. He wrote a cute letter and it made me cry so hard. He was crying to...although he will not admit it. Silly men!

Anyways...it really didn't hit that he was leaving until we were actually driving up on the airport itself. We got out and made sure he had his itinerary stuff. Then it was goodbye time. I cried and cried and didn't want to let him go. He is my sweetheart and my life and I didn't want to me without him. He was really sad too, but he is so strong. Braeden was asleep in the car and when Ben went to give him a kiss I just lost it. Those two boys are best buddies. They do everything together. Ben came and gave me another kiss and then we parted ways. I waited for a minute or two until Ben started to walk away. I said I love you and he shook his butt at me. That helped me a little...made me laugh. He took off and I had to be somewhat put together because I had to drive. Then I called my mom and started crying again. It was rough. Then my sister Kim, B and I went shopping. That helped me not think about the whole situation.

Today I awoke to the sounds of Braeden saying, "dada da dad da," and me still thinking that Ben will be home any minute because he worked a night shift. It still really hasn't sunk in that he is gone. He is gone for a long time and I am doing this alone...well almost. I have Heavenly Father and my family, and some really great supportive friends. I hear Braeden playing and he says, "dada dada," and then I lose all composure. Just when I think that I am strong, I am weak. I pray that I can do this. I hate being alone. I love you Ben! Good luck and I will be thinking of you and praying for you! We miss you already.